Tuesday, March 20, 2018


20th mar 2018



Back in my sanctuary.

Feeling nostalgic, cos of the rain. The smell of the earth hit by the rain.

Suddenly realised time just flew past me like that.

As years past on, i feel more tired, mentally, chasing thing that don't even know if its meant to be. When each time I fail, i ask myself,"what is it that I haven't done right, or what have I done wrong.?"







Hi rain

20th mar 2018.
Only tue.

Just started to rain.

The smell of rain, invokes alot of memories. Especially those biking days, in the rain, with my bike, different stages, with different people that crossed and left my path.

The smell of rain, those memories, mostly sad 1s, that sweep away my tears in the rain as I rode with my bike.

Those days. Carefree, but mostly sad and full of young emotions.

The smell of rain.


Thursday, March 01, 2018


Today wld me me with your baby of 2 kids.




Plesase bring me back to uni days to clear my mind, so that I know that is you that I want still after all these yesrs.

2018, please show my way out...

1st Mar 2018



Just had abit of jap sake.

To numb my feeling. Feeling unappreciated at work, work so hard, put my time and effort, brsin, thoughts, even after-hours in all these years, trying to make a breakthrough. and my current pursuit to make a little living one alive is in struggle.

Miss those days.Compared to U-turn 12 years back, At least I could drown myself in alcohol like no tomorrow, that way, i could escape the cruel reality of life back then, and even if people will to talk nonsense, my hangover was there to block the reception to my brain.

Today, as much as i try to steer clear of alcohol, especially my favourite aka whisky, the more i am finding it soberly hard to resist  人情世故。 冷言冷语 wise, i heard enuff to be immune, nevermind what outsiders say, but yet when it comes to from someone senior whom been throws doubts on my passion for work, I am terribly upset.  

5 years.

That is how long i realised it had been when i am busy doing the ir8a today. 

I have no regret, will never regret. But, just upset. . 不管在努力,虽还没得到回报,但是受不到肯定,很伤心。感觉努力好像是白痴。

I am sick and tired of hanging with the peasants.

I want to be rich, i want to hang out with people that constantly excel and move. I want to take those people i care with me and leave behind all these foolish people, and excel further.

I want to soar.

Seeing all the updates from friends in fb, doesn't help.

1 just celebrated her 30th bday with all the clubbing pics, makes me miss my days and i wonder why.

another just celebrated his newborn son arrival, and makes me wonder maybe my timing is gone no matter how hard i try and to be positive in front of people to even ease their worries  more than me somemore!

My mind is trainwrecked at this time.

I am, exhuasted.

My life sucks.


God please show me a way out.



Friday, January 26, 2018


Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Alone, is good recovery

24th jan 2018.

On spotify.
And alone. With half a bottle of white wine. Chilling in my M sanctuary. With my aircon.

Finally can mental rest.

Sibeh mental exhuasted.

Nevermind physically tired.

Miss those days of biking, drinking dancing partying like there is no tomorrow night.

Those days.

Wednesday, those ladies night. Get non stop free flow drinks, and party and dance as those guys hit on us.


Sometimes I ask myself, "我真的快乐了吗?"



Monday, January 22, 2018

Hi, 2018

Hi, 22nd jan 2018.

Alot of drinks. A few solid realmeat hotdogs.


I am happy i think.

I am ready to embrace.

Even if god doesn't want me to be the god of mother, i suppose this is my fate.

20@8. Welcome meback.

I am ready.


Thursday, January 04, 2018

Hello 2018 with Sweet Smile.

4th Jan 2018.

On my ipad, with spotify playing yoga zen meditation music.
In my own new white haven.

Been a month since I have moved back into new reno white haven. Feeling very calm and relaxed and peaceful as compared to the past 1 year of agony.

But still, as i put up this sweet smile of mine, i am feeling this unexplained bitter sadness that i can't relate to anyone.

Like there is a form of regret or something that I just cannot pinpoint at the back of my subconciousness.

Anyway, as studies show, keep smiling and this will trick your mind and body into feeling happier over time.

Lookback 2017, it has been a stressful tiring year for me.

Lookforward 2018, other than the usual wish of people i care to be happy and healthy, I wish for new surprises / unspoken miracle hope in my new life forward.


2017 has been a long year.

So Hello 2018. :)

Monday, December 25, 2017

I fucking hate xmas

25th dec 2017.

I fucking hate xmas. I just wish for all this inner pain to go away.