Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Envy is eating me max into Ennui

20 sep 2017

Heavy rain. Is been awhile. I see this married couple friend succeed in life. She married a man who has very strong business ideas and now her pictures are all over the place in magazines.

So envy.

When will be my turn to shine?

Mentally exhuasted.


Best Regards

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Aug 2017, milestone.I am going fishing

19 aug 2017.

Today many people bday. One ex fling from uni biking days, 1 gd frend from jc. For some reason 19th aug I always rem is their bday everyyear. No special reason.

Otw to harbourfront. Junping on the boat to batam.

House renovation has already kick start into 6th day already.

Time to let go and enjoy myself in batam.

Till then.

Spa shop sing eat.


Best Regards

-------- Original message --------
From: Michelle Hu <>
Date: 28/07/2017 21:51 (GMT+08:00)
Subject: Saturday already, Please let me be stronger and More Resilient

18th Feb 2017

I need to be strong.

Let this weekend be a quiet peaceful non irritating weekend for me.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Saturday already, Please let me be stronger and More Resilient

18th Feb 2017

I need to be strong.

Let this weekend be a quiet peaceful non irritating weekend for me.

Happy Birthday to Me, another fruitless year


Tired. Been a long week of trying. Mentally exhuasted. Today is my day, happy to have my families n loved 1s all with me.

Am happy but hope i wish i have a fruitful year ahead.


Milestone 2017 - ☺ Part 1 ☺

28th July 2017
Super heaty weather, feel almost faint n dizzy.

Showered. Chilling in my almost 80% emptied out room, aircon blastin, hair waiting to dry after shower as always.

Today, is a milestone of the year 2017 for me.

Finally sorted out all the things i needed to before the commencement of the renovation in the middle of next aug, which starts 14th aug.

Been a hectic week:

Monday Signed on the dotted line with my ID (after Almost 3months of talking). Paid 10% deposit. Ouch.

Tuesday started reaching out to almost all the banks in Singapore for loan and today the banker called back to inform that she received all the documents and will help to process my application. Nice.

Yesterday yet spent another 2hours walking thru to talk to yet another potential candidate electrician who definitely seem more clued up compared to the another dude, so aka highly likely switching over to this new guy instead.

Today been a final showdown cum negotiation with a Mover cum Storage Solution company which i have been whatsapping over the past 2weeks. Finally paid the $100 deposit today to secure the date time slot after she agreed to my counter-discounted price which I find it reasonable and not super 离谱。

Yes, Friday is here, as i am writing now. I Accomplished my missions.

I am relieved and happy.

All the primary outsourcing are finalised. Now i can move on to concentrate the next phase of the renovation which is the selections of all the fixtures and shit.

I am definitely more relaxed now, that all the big tricky "problems" are been taken care of.

I can breathe.

With a happy smile.

:) 😄😄😄😄

Tgif, really, tgif.


Sunday, July 16, 2017

I am so sorry 42NITE. July 2016

16th July 2017

Showered. Drunk.

Like those type of sad cases where all i can only say, if it didnt happen this mth, is becos of tonight,i  lim tòo much. I am sorry. My fault

I drove back, intact. Yet i didnt even want to go there in the first place(where all the free flow alcohol r) and this is what it it is happening.

I am tired. 

Life is expecting me to be a wonder woman. Go to sormwhere, see pple lim and me not lim? Offer me to lim means what?

But i just want to be just somebody's woman. 

Can no man just tc me? I am a small woman.

i how old already? Still have to deal with this kind of shit? Take care of other people shit? App3ar at event but whp really cares abt me?

I am tired, i am old. I just want to live peaceful and happily.

Stop bringing me to places like this with alcohol anymore.

Tired. I am.

Some1 just shot me in the head.


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Jul 2017 Tireness

12th July 2017

Need to strike somemore goals today.

Feeling sober doesnt help. Days and weeks just feel longer.

And avoiding anything that talks abt alcohol.

Trying to tune my body back.

Am starting to feel like i am somewhat living each day as if it is my last day.


Sunday, July 02, 2017

I was adored once too, but today...

2nd July 2017

Start of the month, again. The race starts again for the first 2weeks.

Supposed to be happy ytd. Ended up getting screamed at because i asked for a simple thing, yet, got nth in the end. And getting screamed at for nothing.

I learnt.

Ask and u shall receive, nothing but tirade.


I was adored once many times before.

Look at me today.


Michelle u are such a pathetic loser.

Monday, June 26, 2017

June 2017 is heart attack for me.

26th jun 2017.

Is Ph. Home chilling with aircon,tv me and myself.

I duno what to say. But i think for the first time, i believe i have given up hope for hope, for mirAcle, for just hoping for simple progress in my life.

After what the doc has told me 2days ago, I think my life phase is over.

As much as i can tell pple i am going to keep positive,

I am tired.

I think next month is going to be yet another fertile attempt.

Which makes me very scared of facing the next truth of what is goin to happen after that in july.

As much as i keep telling myself to be positive and not think too much abt it.

I am drinking again. Drinking means i am back to my sad self.

I feel like ending myself.