Monday, October 10, 2016
10 oct 2016
Told myself dun drink liao. But still drink. Now all tearing up sitting in front of Mother Mary. I love this space. It gives me the freedom to be myself.
I haven't slept well since last Saturday incident. All i want is alcohol numb my tots.
I am falling out with my brother. Like my real younger brother. Simply can't believe just a 2-liner sentence can turn him to hate me like a 杀父仇人。 Even today it is monday already, still the same.
To think all my life i always adore all my family and siblings including my little brother, yet it takes only 2 simple questions of, "what you doing?" And "why dun you go outside and help out?" To destroy a relationship with him of 25 years.
I am always being so proud of him.
*tears non stop*
2016 has been too tough a year for me. As much as I tot I am slowly achieving all the things that wld supposedly make me happier, i feel stressful and upset along the way.
Maybe I have been lying to myself too much.
Let 2016 pass soon. I am weary.
Posted by 雪儿 at 6:29 pm
Friday, October 07, 2016
Friday, September 30, 2016
Also last day of sept 2016. So far so good.
Extremely thankful for all the little gifts in life that is dropping in randomly. Save so much $$, and the stuffs are quite valuable as well.
Today is friday le. And tomorrow saturday, activities already packed to the brim. Just have to keep pushing myself.
And sunday, i just want to chill, do nothing, and meditate my inner self. .
I am really really feeling alittle mentally exhuasted with all these hunting for weeks.
Glad it paid off.
And I am thankful for the gifts.
Posted by 雪儿 at 7:25 am
Thursday, September 29, 2016
29 sep 2016
Can't decide if I slept well or not, but no alcohol or crazy shit to make me go sleep, so i supposed is a gd thing.
Oct is finally coming.
Feel very mentally exhuasted.. so many things to research for the big move. The real serious move.
Sounds crazy, but i have to keep good vibing myself.
We are almost there. To create the perfect home. Really really need to continue to pushing myself.
Please continue to let good things happen to me.
Posted by 雪儿 at 7:58 am
Saturday, September 24, 2016
24th sept 2016.
Like wakijg up feeling sober and not hangovery compared to last sat.
Yes... last weekend F1 was very fun... but... i am trying to enjoy the sobery me now.
I am finding peace.
Let this weekend be a super good and surprising one starting from this moment.
Posted by 雪儿 at 7:46 am
Sunday, September 18, 2016
18 sept 2016
Just woke up and was freaking out. Dun rem how we got back ytd. First thing that went thru my head was that I seriously ope i didn't piss him off again.
Like for the first time in my life, i was actually really like fucking freaking out.
I need to remember this feeling. I need to stop hurting people with my nonsense drunken state.
And thank god for giving me such good frends to take care of me.
But really, god, pls give me a good reason of excuse to stop drinking soon.
Can save me 1 or 2nd time. But cannot save me everytime.
Thank you for everything that make me so pretty and smooth for the past 2 nights.
I woke up with no hangover somemore for the first time in many years.
I am actually starting to like champagne.
Thanks again my frends and god.
I really appreciate.
Posted by 雪儿 at 10:26 am
Thursday, September 15, 2016
15th Sep 2016
Just outta shower. Feels calm and peaceful. Like the feeling of alone. Where i can finally shed off that laughing face and be my ownself again.
Where i can pause for a moment, to try to be happy and bringing up other people's spirits and once again, be myself finally towards the end of the night.
Peaceful until, i dun feel the urge to open that bottle of sake.
Becos tomorrow is friday. Party night, party weekend. If I survive tomorrow night, i hope i make it to the party the day after.
One more day to F1. One more day to reveal myself and enjoy the hella of a weekend.
Party time is here.
Sleep early tonight and no drinking.
Be a racer queen beauty tomorrow and for the weekend.
Posted by 雪儿 at 9:25 pm